14 July 2009

Fed up

I'm done. I'm seriously, completely and totally fed up.

For the last three days Ash has been promising me we'd go for a walk. Now, she doesn't want to. I know it may seem like such a trivial thing, but it isn't.

I can't go for walks whenever I want. If someone doesn't feel like taking a quick stroll around the block, oh well to me. However, if Ash wants to go stay at her friends house overnight or go for a 30 minute bike ride, that's all fine and okay.

I understand that I've got issues that make things more difficult. I understand that yeah, I've been to the ER WAAAY too many times.

But I am so over not even being able to take a nap without someone checking on me. My bedroom window is screwed shut. It doesn't open. I'm pretty sure, I'm not leaving the room, and no big scary monsters can get me. I don't need to be checked on.

I'm frustrated that I can't take a shower without someone coming into the bathroom and checking on me. Yes, I've had an episode while I was taking a shower. ONCE. I was fine. I don't take long showers. I was also not on the greatest meds at the time....in fact, I don't think I was on any.

If I don't answer someone when they call because I'm tired or, God forbid, I've been listening to music and they can't hear me, then I'm in big BIG trouble.

I get nagged about my school work. I WILL FINISH SCHOOL! I want nothing more than to finish high school and get into college. I know what needs to be done and I'll do it. I don't need the motivation. How about you focus your energy on Ash or Tori? They need a push too.

I need a break. I need a break in the worst way. I need to feel like I have SOME level of control over my life. I'm going to be 18 soon, and I feel like I'm 5. I'm not asking for someone to hand me the keys to a car and say "go for a drive." I'm asking to be able to do simple, everyday activities without someone holding my hand every step of the way.

Sorry. I needed to vent. It's been a rough day.


1 comment:

Thess said...

Hi Bri,

I'm honored to be your friend. I sent you an email. Hope you get it. I'd be happy to get a reply from you.

OH and vent as you want, it's your blog.. you can say anything you want on it.