12 June 2008


That's kinda how I've been feeling for the past few days. My living plans are currently sitting at *undetermined, my school is *undetermined, and this condition and the chair are *undetermined.

And, I feel very undetermined. I feel like giving up. It's been over a year, I'm still getting worse, and for the very first time I feel horribly depressed for most of the day.

I know that if I give up now and break down, it will be a VERY long fall, so that's not an option. But I REALLY want to.

I'm officially done with school for the year, and it sucks. Even though some days I felt like crap, I always looked forward to school. I love to learn and no one can take that love from me, but they can try their very hardest to make it hell, and some at my school did.
Okay...mood swing.
On the brighter side, today I got two birds, and they're my very own.
I got two cockatiels, one male(Tiberius) and one female(Livia).
The male is a commen gray, and the female is a commen gray as well.
I'm very excited to have them. Plus, when I got them they came with a swinging stand cage, which required me to rearrange my room.
I think that I needed the change.
I can't wait til they warm up to their new surroundings and are finally settled, though they seem to be doing quite well already.

Anyhoo, that's it for today. I'm hoping this next week will go smoothly. I really need it to.

09 June 2008

Fed up and wanting to quit

That's were I am right now. For the past year I've been dealing with a medical condition called Conversion Disorder. And I really just want to quit right now. On top of my attacks I've been having Psuedoseizures, and have been to the ER 3 times in the past week, and was admitted on Tuesday overnight.

My dad keeps telling me it will all work out, and I know inside that he's right, but it's just SO hard. I feel like I'm trapped inside me and my life, and I just need a positive break.

God must have something big in mind for Him to put me through this.