05 August 2009

I need some room to fly

I understand, Mom worries. It's her job as a mom to worry.

But I need some room to fly.

I don't want to feel like I can't do something because it'll upset her or whatnot.

Today, Ash and I walked to the library. It's cool, I'm on meds, there wasn't a lot to worry about. Mom and Dad came to get us on the way home. I wanted to walk home. Ash had ridden her bike down, which meant that she'd have to go home alone.

We asked if we could stay. Mom said we couldn't because she didn't want to have to stress.

I understand. If I'm not at home, then things can go wrong and Mom won't be able to control the situation. I understand that when or if I have an attack, 911 is usually called and it's stressful and a hassle.

I'm doing better. Period. Not maybe sorta kinda. I've not had to deal with any serious incidents in a while, and either have they regarding me. I had an attack yesterday and even that ended fine.

I'm not trying to make her life harder. I just want some freedom and independence.

More and more frequently I've been getting this feeling about everything from my health to school. I want to be able to make my own decisions. I want to have the ability to mess up.

I just don't want it to turn into either, I have my family's help or I don't. I don't want it to be that if I make my own decisions, I won't have their support, or it won't be freely given.

I don't know. I'm feeling kinda caged right now....


1 comment:

Steve Elkan said...

I understand. Just let mom know exactly how you feel. Your concerns & fears as you've described here.